Relationships Q&A with Evey DeRoos

Next month, on June 10, Good Story Workshops is presenting Wired for Relationships: How Brain, Body and Relationships Interact and Change Each Other. I spoke with Evey DeRoos, the Folsom-based psychotherapist who developed and is presenting this workshop.

Scott Schafer

Director, Good Story Workshops

Scott Schafer [SS]: What’s this workshop about?

Evey DeRoos [ED]: Optimizing our relationships AND our brain.   Specifically, how our physical brain operates in relationship and how relationship alters the physical brain.  We will be learning ways to support and integrate the development of each, gaining insights to maximize the "human operating system."  You can take advantage of how the system works and improve it.  Understanding how it works can have big impacts on your life.


[SS] Where would this have impact? Are we talking about marriages and significant others?

[ED] Yes, but way beyond that. The things we’ll explore in the workshop are applicable to all relationships - with family, friends, co-workers and neighbors.  The more we make time to strengthen our brains and relationships, the more we can improve not just our own lives,  we can also increase our positive impact in the world around us.  This represents serious hope for change.


[SS] What’s was the genesis of this workshop?

[ED] As a psychotherapist, I work with the fallout of relational difficulties on a regular basis.   I was very intrigued in the early 2000's when I first starting hearing rumblings of new discoveries in neuroscience that apply specifically to relationships,  and since then continue to voraciously pursue the findings of key researchers in the field.  While the 90's is considered the "Decade of the Brain," the phenomenal discoveries of neuroscience continue to increase as well as confirm what many of us have understood intuitively about the power and significance of bio-psycho-social brain processes.  Some of our misconceptions are being disconfirmed (such as "You can't teach an old dog new tricks," and "As we age, our brain cells die off and are never replaced.")  We now understand that the brain is malleable – it can change and transform – and relationships play a huge role in this.  Understanding the neurobiology involved in relational challenges can reduce a lot of guilt and shame, and can encourage us that positive change is possible.  In particular, I love learning and teaching practices that increase our brains' capacity for joy and peace and I want to spread the good news!  This has very practical implications for every person and every relationship.


[SS] Who is this workshop for? Who would benefit?

[ED] Those who would like to learn more about themselves, about others, about the human operating system.  Some people will come in knowing that they have things to learn, but others who think they are doing pretty well in relationships will also benefit.  It’s a classic case of “you don’t know what you don’t know," and people are pleasantly surprised by how useful these tools are.


[SS] What do people generally not understand about the role of the brain in relationship?

[ED] We cannot improve one without the other! We cannot separate them, yet much of their mutual influence runs at "invisible" levels outside of our awareness in powerful ways.  The brain is not just about what is going on inside your head, but includes your entire nervous system and vital organs. Once we have greater awareness of what is going on in these systems, we have more potential to improve both the operation of our brain and our relationships.  We can consciously rewire our brain for better relationships, and healthy relationships can rewire our brain for better overall function.


[SS] At Good Story Workshops, we always want to provide people with practical tools that they can, as we like to say, “use Monday morning”. Will that be true in this workshop?

[ED] Yes. Not just Monday morning, but immediately! We’ll be using and practicing new skills right in the workshop. These will be simple and practical tools that when taken home and practiced regularly can increase peace, joy and satisfaction. It will be both fun and full of hope.


Find out more about our workshop Wired for Relationships and register here.